The Latin root of the word humiliation, humus, means "earth" or "dirt." Humiliation can be understood as the publiccollapse of one's claims to status or identity. In private, this might simply manifest as embarrassment or painful self-awareness. Humiliation, however, is not necessarily shameful. For example, one could argue that Jesus was humiliated by being crucified, but did not feel shame (or so I’ve been told - I wasn’t there).

Shame is more personal. It’s often considered a subset of humiliation - an internalized, painful reaction to the awareness of having acted “wrongly” or “foolishly.” What triggers shame in someone is deeply subjective and shaped by culture, upbringing, and lived experience. In many ways, shame is a mirror, reflecting our relationship to the social worlds we inhabit - both those we choose and those imposed upon us.

In this workshop, we will explore what it means to humiliate and be humiliated, to shame and be shamed. We’ll reflect on how these experiences function in our personal and cultural lives, and how they can become tools - or playthings - within conscious kink practices.

We’ll unpack:

• The difference between shame and humiliation

• How these concepts operate psychologically and socially

• Ways in which kink play can consciously engage with these experiences

• Why some people are drawn to shame or humiliation in kink - and why others may find it challenging

We’ll also engage in guided exercises designed to help you explore these themes at your own comfort level. Participation can take many forms - from discussion to mini play scenes to quiet observation. No one is required to do anything beyond what feels right for them. Just being present is a form of contribution, and often exactly what’s needed to create a supportive, secure space.

Who is this workshop for?
This workshop is open to everyone, regardless of experience level. Please note that we will be discussing and potentially engaging with sensitive themes, including emotional discomfort, shame, and social identity. Saara Rei is not a licensed therapist or clinician, but she is a trained and experienced facilitator and mediator who will do her best to hold safe space for those who participate.

Participation is always consensual. You are in control of your experience, and everything is optional—including feeling the feelings themselves.

What to bring:
Wear comfortable clothing you feel safe and good in. You’re also welcome to bring costumes, outfits, or accessories that might relate to your personal experiences of shame or humiliation. This might include:

• Sex toys

• Household or kitchen items

• Food

• Pet toys

• Mirrors

• Hats or roleplay accessories

• Objects, fantasies, or stories that evoke these themes for you

Let your imagination lead the way—whatever speaks to your relationship with shame and humiliation is welcome.

If you are interested in booking this workshop in a part of the world near you, then please send an email.